![]() ![]() Remind yourself that it’s completely OK to breakup. For example, if you're so caught up in ending it that you forget today is their birthday, they're probably going to be extra pissed. That said, there are many factors that can influence how well the message is received, he adds, which is exactly the point of thinking ahead about how you want to have the conversation. “There is no guarantee that the conversation will be effective, because one can only control the message sent, not how it’s received,” says Porter. No matter what you say and how empathetically you say it, you can't control how the other person will react. Acknowledge that you won’t be able to control their reaction. “If you’ve been on the receiving end of a breakup in the past you would probably have a good idea how it feels, and recalling those feelings beforehand would be beneficial in managing your message,” says Porter. But a little empathy can save you trouble down the road. When you first fall in love, empathizing with your partner is much easier, but by the time you're ready to end it, it might be tempting to not care how breaking up will impact your partner. Try to keep it “neutral, non-accusatory, non-blameful, compassionate, direct, and honest,” says Hendrix. Planning in advance can also help you evaluate the tone with which you’re delivering the message. Writing down exactly what you want to say and practicing it in advance can help anchor in the message so that when you're in the heat of the moment, you’re able to effectively communicate your thoughts. ![]() The conversation itself will likely be stressful, and when you’re stressed, you tend to lose access to the logical, rational parts of your brain, Hendrix explains. Once you’ve decided you want to end your relationship, it’s important to give yourself time and space to think about what you want to say before you actually say it. Having a well thought out breakup also means that breaking up shouldn’t be a rash decision made in the midst of an argument, or a card you play in an attempt to control your partner (which is passive aggressive and perhaps even manipulative, adds Hendrix, and certainly not part of a healthy relationship). ![]()
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